What do you want on your gravestone?

goals new year's resolutions right brain resolution revolution Jan 22, 2020

Congratulations! You made it to the final email of the Right Brain Resolution Revolution. Now it’s time to take all of this, and go from INFORMATION to TRANSFORMATION.

Why bother setting goals in the first place?

Because let’s be honest, we rarely regret the things we did do in life, most of our regret is focused on what we didn’t do.

We regret the life we didn’t live.
We regret the chances we didn’t take.

The confidence, self-efficacy, mastery and resilience that we gain from achieving a goal, especially a hard goal, is something no amount of positive affirmations and rah rah praise could ever match.

We don’t set the goal just to get to the finish line. We also want to enjoy, SAVOR, and grow from the ride... Don’t believe me?

Let’s think about this in terms of parenthood

We don’t get pregnant hoping to give birth to a full grown 45-year old adult who is happily married with two high functioning kids and is a successful lawyer. Can you imagine your newborn coming out of the womb with grey hair, a mortgage, two kids and a briefcase?

Of course not.

We become parents so that we can take part in the whole wonderful/stressful/delightful/messy/amazing/frustrating/rewarding/hilarious/ journey. We want to experience (and grow from) those 44 years in-between.

My twins are now 12. The years aren't all easy, but I wouldn't have wanted to miss any of them. I've grown as much as they have!

Let’s put your goals in the same context.

The post goal achievement version of you will have gained more strengths, more experience, more resources and (my favorite) more funny, entertaining and exhilarating tales to tell about the journey from here to there. As Nora Ephron says, no matter what happens, everything in life is material :).

Live your eulogy

Sounds morbid, but I love this idea from TED speaker, David Brooks. Ask yourself what do you want your legacy to be? What stories do you want to regale your grandkids with? When you have your answer, reverse engineer and live your life accordingly.

Which do you think I want on my gravestone?
Lizzie was exceptional at scrolling Instagram, paying bills, answering email and eating cookie dough.

or

Lizzie took chances, lived a big life with her loving family, CREATED AN AWARD-WINNING PODCAST, led an acclaimed workshop for years called The Life Feast, all while inspiring and coaching many others to achieve THEIR Big Hairy Audacious Goals.

Ok I understand this is way too long-winded for a gravestone, but you get my drift.

Maybe cookie dough should be my legacy???
Kidding, that was just my emotional brain chiming in because today was HARD. But I can do hard things (without cookie dough).

Massive Action vs Passive Action

If you are committed to your goal, and you’ve done the thought work I taught you in Thursday’s email, then also be committed to taking massive action instead of passive action. Massive action, as Brooke Castillo defines it, means that you take action until you get the result you want.

There is no failure unless you quit. You evaluate what worked/what didn’t, you get up and try again, you try a different strategy, but you don’t give up until you’ve gotten the result you were after.

Warren Miller took massive action. He created a ski film every.single.year even when he was a broke ski bum who didn't even own any camera equipment.

Passive action? You just keep consuming information until you become too bloated to move from not applying what you’ve learned. You can’t learn to play the piano by reading a book (I’ve tried, it doesn’t work). At some point, you have to go out and make some noise on the keyboard.

But this sounds hard, I just want to sip a cocktail on a beach somewhere

I have been there. After I sold my restaurant of 14 years, and was bombarded with the question of, "what are you going to do next?", all I said was that I was going to take a nap. I was exhausted and pretty spent. Setting goals is not a new way to beat yourself up with the latest self help trends.

It's a path to flourishing and a way to help you live a full life, if that's what you're craving. If you're craving rest, right now, then honor that. Give yourself permission to take a nap or to vacation or to back away from the self help.

You can come back to this when you are recharged. It’s ok to listen to your gut and just be, but also be honest with yourself (and examine your ANTs) before you’re tempted to quit on yourself.

But this sounds hard, I just want to sip a cocktail on a beach somewhere

I just needed a vacation and some play time. There's a difference between resting and quitting. And a time for everything in our lives.

Put it in writing - YOUR LAST MISSION
People who write down their goals are 80% more likely to achieve them than those who don’t. So write them out. Better yet, write a contract to yourself. Here's a goal contract template that I made that includes everything you learned here. Download it, print it out and use for your goals, habits and BHAGS.

My final words of advice as you embark on these next 11 months?
I’m going to borrow them from Cheryl Strayed as this is what she wrote in my book when I asked her to sign it a few years ago.

Author Cheryl Strayed's advice to Lizzie and company: Do everything like motherfuckers.

It made me lol since the older women before me got a much different inscription on their books, but, guess what, her words were meant for both me and you.

I’m taking her words to heart this year.
Will you?

xoxox
Lizzie Larock

LaRock Star Creative
Creativity courses, writing and photography workshops and positive psychology based coaching,
The Life Feast (a savoring creativity course) is ALMOST ready...

AUDIOS OF EVERYTHING
I've recorded all of these into an audio playlist. Listen on the go and at your leisure: on a walk, while you're driving, folding laundry...